Okay so in a previous post I mentioned that I tend to question/wonder what's the reason behind God placing new people in my life, right? More specifically, I was wondering why this one particular person lingered around. To which by the way, we're still talking till this very day.
I'll get straight to the point. I think I figured out why. To put it in the simplest way possible, I could be totally overstretching things but I THINK he was sent to me as a "test run". I'm sorry. I don't know if that sounds rude or like he's an experiment but alaaa, you know how some people are sent your direction to teach you valuable life lessons? Yeah I'm pretty positive he's sent down as an eye opener. Talking to him made me realize that I am faaar from ready when it comes to being in a relationship.
I miss being in one. Miss having that one person that I can pour all my sayang to. The kind of sayang I reserve only for my significant other. Yeah I miss all that crap. But I'm content being single. Tapi tipu la kalau kata tak rindu the ups and downs and high and lows that comes with being in a relationship
Why I say he's a test run is because he made me realize that I'm not ready. Before this, I was pretty confident to get back into the game. Thought I grew mentally and that I've learned from my mistakes. Well, granted, I did. But not in all departments. Turns out I still have A LOT to learn and self improve. After getting to know him and talking to him, I realized that I'm still stuck in the same loop. I haven't let go of many things. One of my biggest concerns is my jealousy. I need to belajar how to control it and gain control of my feelings. It's still on auto pilot. And I don't want to bring this perangai into any new relationship I hop into.
So that's pretty much it. Writing this isn't so much of me trying to sedapkan hati but rather it's a sudden realization. And surprisingly, I seem to be accepting it. Kira nya macam, I terima lah this theory if it is true. Goes to show that there's still a lot more room for improvement and I still need to polish up here and there. I'll gladly do so. Considering I am willing to change for the better and for my own benefit.
So I thank you. I thank you for coming into my life. I thank God, especially, for sending someone my way, to open my eyes. Even if it is temporary... even if he someone that is lent temporarily. I accept it wholeheartedly.
So that's pretty much it. Writing this isn't so much of me trying to sedapkan hati but rather it's a sudden realization. And surprisingly, I seem to be accepting it. Kira nya macam, I terima lah this theory if it is true. Goes to show that there's still a lot more room for improvement and I still need to polish up here and there. I'll gladly do so. Considering I am willing to change for the better and for my own benefit.
So I thank you. I thank you for coming into my life. I thank God, especially, for sending someone my way, to open my eyes. Even if it is temporary... even if he someone that is lent temporarily. I accept it wholeheartedly.
Heroine - Lana Del Rey
No comments:
Post a Comment