Sunday, September 17, 2017

#3

I think about you a lot lately. I don't tell people 'cause they don't understand. At first it felt weird. At some point, I even started to scare myself. But along the road, the thoughts started to become frequent. Almost became a habit. I think about you while I drive, while I'm in the passenger seat, at work, when I'm eating, when I'm on the bed staring at the ceiling. You started off as an uncomfortable thought. Then it became somewhat comforting. And before I knew it, I grew fond at the thought of you.

In all honesty, I'm not even sure why it's your name that keeps ringing in my mind. We've ended our chapters and closed the book years ago. So many years ago. Lately ni je yang I suddenly terfikir fikir balik. Safe to say, everyday tau that I think of you. There was no trigger. Nothing appeared right in front of me that immediately brought my mind to you. You just sort of.. surfaced. So much so that I'm not even sure if you've ever left.

It is worth mentioning however, I saw you from afar. A couple of weeks back. At a wedding. God, you looked dashing. That was the first time I saw you in years. The last time I saw you was back in 2012. Only for a few minutes before you sped off. Masa tu kita belum kenal erti rindu lagi. I didn't know I'd miss you this much. All these years.. I told myself that kita memang sah sah takda jodoh. Because our paths never crossed. Despite us living on close streets, we go to the same places, the chances of me bumping into you on a regular day is so damn high. But yet, God protected me from seeing you, even though I would've killed to see you from afar. My best friend has had better luck of seeing you haha she even curi curi ambil gambar and sent it to me. That was the closest I could get.

Until two weeks back. When you were sitting a few tables away from me. All I could afford was just to look at you from far behind. But I'm thankful. 'Cause for so many years, that was all I asked for. To be able to even get a glance. Biar lah dari jauh pun.

After pouring all of my thoughts and feelings into word form.. it's actually coming together. It's starting to make sense. I guess it's understandable as to why you circle my mind and occupy my thoughts. You've left a massive impact in my life. Unforgettable, most definitely. And I guess there has always been a nest that I've mentally laid out for you; the same as the soft spot I'll always have for you.

I still miss you. I doubt that I'm supposed to. But there's no rule saying that I can't. I just wanted to let this off my chest. As per usual, I'd resort to writing as a temporary outlet to shelve my feelings. I know you're doing great. I hope you get to achieve all those great things you've wanted in life. Every single thing. You're a big dreamer. I wish for all the success to be in your very hands, and your family whom I've once loved equally as much. Goodnight.


Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley

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